Just a few things I read this a couple of days ago about reactive/proactive:

"Our behaviour is a function of our decisions, not our conditions". If we choose to blame others for our conditions, we become reactive.
"Proactive people are driven by values - carefully thought about, selected and internationalised values" while "Reactive people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by their environment".

Reactive language:

  * There's nothing I can do.
  * That's just the way I am.
  * He makes me so mad.
  * They won't allow that.
  * I have to do that.
  * I can't.
  * I must.
  * If only.

Proactive language:

  * Let's look at our alternatives.
  * I can choose a different approach.
  * I control my own feelings.
  * I can create an effective presentation.
  * I will choose an appropriate response.
  * I choose.
  * I prefer.
  * I will.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey